1.) Lately, it seems as though a lot of my previous ideas about Jesus, the Holy Spirit, the Word, and other such things are getting turned upside down. I mentioned this in my last post, but it goes a lot deeper than what I mentioned. I honestly feel like a new Christian. I've been doing things my way for so long, and I'm finally realizing, by God's grace, that those ways were not good, and they were not necessarily of Him. I feel that I'm actually starting to get to know Him, which sounds ridiculous after 21 years of church, and 7 years of supposedly being a believer...but it's just the truth. The Word jumps out at me like never before, and I love it! Also, I can't make heads or tails of the whole evangelism thing anymore, because for so long, it was all about trying to argue people into coming to Jesus. But after scrutiny of the Word, pondering the way that Jesus ministered to those around Him, and a few really good conversations with friends who are solid in their walk, I know that that approach is completely wrong. For the first time in my life, I want to simply listen to people, and share life with them, hopefully loving them as Christ loves. I want them to know the truth, and the older I get, the more I realize that people are a lot more likely to "listen" to your actions than your words. Also, the great in joy in my Calvinist beliefs is that I'm not the one responsible for saving people. I definitely have a responsibility to go and tell (see Matthew 28:19-20), but it is the Holy Spirit working in people's hearts that brings them to salvation. What a relief. So, it's pretty tough to realize that I've been so harsh and immature in my actions for so long, but praise Jesus, because He didn't let me continue in my stupidity.
2.) Med school. It's on the horizon...whoa.
3.) Dating: What's a girl to do? I honestly don't want to date, but I don't know that "courtship" is totally kosher either...My 6-month "no-dating" commitment ended May 6th of this year (just a few weeks ago...), and it's not like I have any prospects at the moment. And I'm actually content in that. But, sometimes, people walk into your life, and they make you question what exactly God would have you do should the situation arise. I don't know that I'll be in any sort of relationship with anyone in the very near future, unless someone just surprises me. But questions like "When/if I find someone or someone finds me, what sort of relationship set-up would honor the Lord most?", and "how on earth do you know if you're actually in love with this guy?" seem to come up way too frequently. My response as of late has been to simply lasso the thought and hand it to God for Him to deal with. Whatever the case, I know that He's got it all under control, and that it's simply my job to be still, wait on His timing, and not "awaken love until it so desires" (Song of Solomon 8:4b).
4.) I really want to go somewhere that is not the United States. Like, anywhere. Not because I don't love it here. I'm just itching to get out on the international mission field. However, I know that God has called me to medicine for now. But I'm really hoping that maybe He'll allow me to go on some sort of short-term mission trip overseas...I don't know...but it's an exciting prospect.
So...feels good to get all of that out. It feels even better to know that Jesus has it all under control. Man oh man..He sure is good.
"I know Your promises are faithful, and I, I've seen Your goodness in my life. Oh, I've found Your mercy is a river, Your love is an ocean. You say I am blessed because of this, and You get glory in the midst of this, and You're walking with me...You say I am blessed because of this, so I choose to believe that as I carry this cross, You'll carry me." (Audrey Assad)
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