Lately I've been questioning this, more than ever before in my life.
For years, I thought I knew exactly what I believed, and what the "right" position was on the subject, but now...I'm not so sure. I just feel very confused.
So my question is this: what is a woman's role, in life, in family, in the business world, in EVERYTHING?
I've spent the greater portion of my life believing that women can do it all...home, marriage, children, career, church...all of it. I still believe that women can do these things...I'm just not sure whether they should.
I've functioned as some strange breed of pseudo-feminist. I don't believe that women are interchangeable with men, and I don't believe that women are better than men. But I got really tired of condescension toward women, so I developed a very cynical attitude toward men. However, I have known many wonderful men, and had many a male best friend, so I couldn't dismiss them totally. Also, I know, based on my understanding of the Word, that a lot of my attitude probably has a lot to do with rebellion against the fact that male authority over women is something that God ordained, because I am very much sinful. I just really take issue with many attitudes I've seen toward women from male friends who, on the surface, seem alright.
It's been brought to my attention, as of late, that many men have ridiculous, unrealistic expectations of the women in their lives. Just recently, I sat, flabbergasted, as a guy whose opinions and insights I value referred to one of my friends as "overweight" when she clearly is not, and how dating her was a big step for him because he was used to women who were more fit. I sat in a room as two guys trolled girls' Facebook profiles, critiquing all of their pictures and making rude, demeaning, and disrespectful comments about these girls and their bodies. All of this comes on the heels of years of hoping and expecting and praying that guys would act certain ways, and consistently being let down. Boys, what's going on here? I'm not saying that you have to walk around trying to find ways to tell women how gorgeous they are...I am definitely saying that you MUST STOP expressing yourselves in a way that destroys their self-confidence.
NEWS FLASH, GENTLEMEN: Women are already intensely self-conscious, and spend a great deal of their time trying to find ways to please you, look more attractive so you will like them, and generally tone themselves down so that they don't get on your nerves just by being themselves. (Granted, some women are confident enough to not do these things...those women are few and far between.) Many of you couldn't give two poops about what we think of your crude, oversexed, rude selves, and yet we spend so much time trying to please you. The least you could do is NOT harass us or make us feel terrible about ourselves. Honestly, we already do that to ourselves enough. We don't need your help. We don't need you to reinforce the ridiculous standards or self-destructive messages thrown our way on a daily basis.
I do not walk through campus, staring down men and judging them based on their appearance, fitness, or fashion sense. I can appreciate an attractive man when I see him, but I don't despise or deride the guys that don't look like Brad Pitt. I understand that men are visual, and I'm not saying that all women should stop wearing make-up, burn their bras, and gain 50 pounds. I'm saying that a woman's motivation for these things should NOT come from a need to please men, because here's the thing: THEY DO NOT CARE. The men that are going to degrade you and treat you like dirt are going to do that regardless of the fact that you are beautiful, because there is honestly something wrong with them mentally. The men that treat you with respect, love, and who are legitimately masculine are going to think you're fantastic regardless of how tan, toned, or skinny you are or aren't. So, if you want to wear make-up, go to the gym, tan, or wear cute clothes, go for it. That is your prerogative, and no one should think any less or any more of you for it. However, if you do these things because without them, you feel ugly, worthless, or unattractive, then, by all means, CUT IT OUT.
Now, having said that, let me say this: GENTLEMEN....
We (as women) do not make our decisions regarding who to spend our lives with based on the size of your biceps, pecs, or the speed with which you can run a mile. Based on my conversations with other women and my own experience, I can tell you, a man who can make a girl laugh, treat her with respect, and simply adore her because of who she is will win over a guy with a fabulous physique and an arrogant attitude nearly every time. Again, if you enjoy working out because you want to be healthy and it's just something you like to do, then go for it. Have fun, and pump those muscles up. But if you're doing it for women, out of insecurity or a need to fake your own ideas of masculinity, then don't waste your time. We love you just the way you are...man boobs and all. :)
Obviously, I don't have all the answers. Heck, I'm still single, and definitely working through some of my own terrible attitudes about men. I do love men, sincerely. My best friends in the world so far have been male, and there are so many things that I admire about them. It just pains me to see men that treat women so terribly.
Another issue recently brought to light: GENTLEMEN...stop playing with women's hearts. I mean it. Cut it out.
Here's the deal: If you mean it when you say that you don't want to break women's hearts or tear people up, then stop being flirtatious with women you have no intention of pursuing. Some men do not realize that they're doing this, so let me lay some knowledge on you. Gentlemen, if you pay lots of attention to a girl, she's going to take it the wrong way. If you're constantly calling her, texting her, hanging out with her one-on-one, saying flirtatious things, or acting in a way that causes those around you two to question whether there's something there, she's going to think something's there. We are constantly bombarded with one of two schools of thought on male-female interaction:
School 1: If he likes you, he'll play games, ignore you, act obtuse, generally treat you like crap.
OR...
School 2: If he likes you , he'll come right out and say it; there are no games, and he means what he says.
These mixed-up philosophies have left lots of us guessing, so...be clear with your intentions. If you like her, say so. That's your job. Sorry, no getting around it. If you want us to fulfill our role as receptors, then you have to act as the initiator. If you don't like her, then, for heaven's sake, don't act like you do. Even if you lose her friendship, it is so much better for her to stop wasting her time wondering about you or waiting for you to act and be a little offended than to spend time pining over a man who's never going to reciprocate. I understand that having some girl wrapped around your little finger, getting all of her attention, and having her fawn over you can be a fantastic ego booster, and that so many of you are used to being emasculated by various factors in your surroundings, that a little ego boost would be nice. But you CANNOT play with women's hearts like that. Women may act as though it doesn't affect them, but honestly, we can't detach our hearts the way y'all sometimes can. We're just made that way. So. To review, BE HONEST, BE CLEAR, and BE A MAN---TAKE INITIATIVE.
Women have a hard time accepting their role and living within those boundaries because so many (but not all) men either abuse their authority or fall down on the job. This is not to say that making mistakes = failure. We're all human. When I say "fall down on the job", I am speaking of those men who take the easy road and allow women to take over because they are lazy or afraid. If given the opportunity, many women will grab hold of the reins, and run things quite well. It takes a grounded, masculine, wise man to gracefully and authoritatively reclaim those reins. I do not think that male abuse of authority is grounds for a woman to abandon her role and subvert the natural order of things; I am simply saying that when men step down, it provides ample opportunity for women to step up.
All that said, what's a gal to do about the whole family/career juggling act? I find myself at a bit of a crossroad...
I want to be a doctor. Like, more than anything. But I don't know that I can do that AND work at a marriage AND raise children. Maybe that's just my naivete talking, but I just don't know how thin I can spread myself. I just don't want to do a half-way job of any of those things. Are women really built to be wives and mothers? Is that my calling? Can I be called to medicine AND those things? Am I subverting God's or man's authority by pursuing medicine/a career in general? And if I do get married, what is my role within that?
For years, I've simply seen marriage as a business agreement. It wasn't until this summer that the Lord opened my eyes to my cynicism and incorrect views. I just never saw it as such a commitment, or a spiritual bonding of one person to another. Thankfully, my views have changed...but now it all seems so much scarier because it's a much bigger deal than I originally thought. Also....what exactly IS a woman's role in the church? Doormat? Servant? Quiet servant? I am not seeking an answer to make me happy; I am seeking truth.
So. Deep thoughts on a Saturday night. I'd love to hear some different perspectives.
You may disagree with me, but I hope that this has provided insight for some of you. Holla if you disagree, agree, or want to ask me pointed questions. :D
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