Stained Hands and Wet Shoes...

Hahaha. So today was pretty great, and the day's not even over yet! But I'll start with last night. Last night, a bunch of friends and I went to see Zombieland at the KUC theatre...and IT WAS FREE!!! Ballin'! I thought that I would hate the movie, but as it turns out, it was AWESOME (and I now want to have Woody Harrelson's babies...lol). Then we all went on a drive to find a certain house which will remain anonymous...and we found it and almost got caught. It was pretty hilarious. Then we made a rather entertaining (and somewhat awkward) pit stop at Steak 'n' Shake, which was delisherous.

Today, I went to class as usual because the snow didn't begin 'til about noon. I got out of class two hours early since we were just checking in for lab, so I decided to go downstairs to find Dr. Wright and practice my Gram staining technique. The look on Dr. Wright's face when I told him was adorable! Lol. I don't think he really expected that anyone would want to practice in their free time. As a side tangent, I think that Microbiology makes me feel the way that Sam feels about chemistry. I absolutely love it, and find it fascinating. Like, seriously, I look forward to waking up at 7 AM to go to Micro on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. My calling? Maybe...I think I'll stick to pre-medicine for now, though. :) ANYWAY....So the first time I did a Gram stain, I completely botched it because I left the ethanol on it too long. But I did three different stains this time (one with Staphylococcus epidermidis, one with E. coli, and one with both, for those who were curious...), and they all turned out perfect! Yay!! Then Dr. Wright also let me do a capsule stain, which didn't turn out so great the first time, but was pretty awesome the second time around. Yay for good lab technique! :)

So, I didn't realize how bad the snow had gotten outside until 2:00 PM when I left the lab. Campus had closed down at 1:00, unbeknownst to Sam and I, so the buses had stopped running. I had to walk all the way from one end of campus to the other to get to my car (in near-complete silence, with my ex-boyfriend). Awkward, but not too terribly so. At least the campus was gorgeous and empty, with the exception of the 30 or so guys having a Braveheart-style snowball fight behind the DSB.... :D

I left school and went to Slick Pig to get some cheap, comfort-food-y lunch (which I only paid $2.00 for...bangin'), and on the way home, my car ran out of gas. Luckily, it did so right beside the Shell station and I was able to pull in right at the last second and get some gas. Thanks be to God (and I'm not being flip or sarcastic...) for good timing. So here I sit, at home with the whole family, with physics and organic to study for, warm socks, a robe, and the possibility of a snowball fight, snowcream, and snowman building later. What more could a girl ask for? :)

Stained Hands and a Happy Heart...

So the past few days have been hard. I'm not going to lie. I've been dealing with some scary thoughts and what seems to be a lot like depression. Could be PMS, could be general sadness. Whatever it is/was, it is/was scary. But I'm finding that God uses these awful times in my life to help me understand the fact that I am completely dependent on Him. I always seem to think that I can make it just fine by myself, and then I come crashing back down and run to Him. But I wouldn't trade these times for anything, because of the way they affect my relationship with Christ.

I'm starting to feel better about being single again. It still sucks to see him around, and I feel like I've lost a friend. I hate it, but I guess that that's just how it's going to have to be for now.

I'm seriously enjoying Microbiology this semester. Like, it's actually FUN to me. I think that's just further proof that I'm right where I'm supposed to be major-wise. I love Dr. Wright, and for whatever reason I'm able to concentrate very well in there. Even Organic doesn't seem as bad this semester (but give me a couple weeks and I'll probably have a different opinion...). I'm pretty sure that I'm going to drop my religious studies class today. I'm really tired of hearing Dr. Shapiro bash the Bible/Jesus/God/organized religion in general. I don't appreciate the fact that he presented the class as a "strictly secular, academic study of the Bible", and yet he invites disparaging and disrespectful comments about the Bible, Christianity, and Christ. Stuff like that messes with my head sometimes, and I just don't know that I'm strong enough to fight it. However, I want that 3-hour A credit for my GPA's sake. But I've prayed about it, and I feel like I need to drop it. We'll see...

I should probably work on physics now, since I have a quiz in a few hours...Toodles. :)

So Glide Away on Soapy Heels...

Sitting here listening to James Taylor again... there seems to be a pattern in my life. :) Today was alright. Woke up at 2:00 PM after not being able to sleep last night because of the wind and rain. And, once again, I didn't go to church. My lack of church attendance over the past year seems to be a continual source of guilt for me. I don't know. It just is. But hopefully, I'll be able to start going back to AO this semester. I really hope that I can, because I've really missed it. It will be awkward for a while, but I think that it will be worth it.

I lounged around for a while after I woke up and watched TV. But I started thinking about the breakup again, so I decided that I should find something productive and distracting to do with my time. I decided to go to the gym, and I'm glad that I did. I think I'm finally going to be able to get back into the swing of things this semester. I've just had a hard time adjusting so far. It's like I've lost all motivation for some reason. I think that part of it is my sudden lack of a relationship, as well as the fact that I just don't get excited about spring classes like I do when fall classes roll around. Normally, I would be running around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to do all of my homework and get ridiculously ahead in everything. But for whatever reason, I just don't care as much. But, going to the gym always cheers me up and helps me to focus.

After the gym, I had dinner with my little brother at Panera, which is always good. He's great, and I wish that we could spend more time together. But I just get so busy during the semesters and he's pretty busy, too (which is funny considering that he's 9 years old). After that, I came home to do some organic homework, and ended up simultaneously watching The Notebook. Not a good idea a week after a breakup. I used to watch that movie and sigh at the romanticism and anticipate the day when I would find a love of my own. But for now, it just kind of makes me angry and sad. I find it so hard to believe that things are going to get any better or that I'll ever find love. Sometimes I get tired of having faith.

But I have to keep believing that things will get better. I have to hold on despite what I feel. My heart is deceptive, and I know that. I'm just easily swayed sometimes.

Oh Brother.

So. Instead of working on physics, I decided to start a blog. How's that for being productive? I was inspired by a friend, Rachael, who began a new blog at the start of the year. Thought it sounded therapeutic. I can guarantee you that my life is not the most entertaining, the most exciting, or the coolest, but I sure do love it. Crappy circumstances, good circumstances and all. I figure that it will be nice to have some where to vent my academic anguish, relate funny and sad stories, and generally blow off steam. So here goes...

I'm currently working on my online Medical Vocabulary class, and I have to say, this stuff is pretty ballin'. It combines two of my favorite things: medical knowledge and spelling! Lol. I'm a nerd. I know. I'm also simultaneously listening to James Taylor, whom I love dearly. I would totally have his old, bald babies. :) I really want to go see his concert in Nashville in May. However, I don't think I'm going to be able to, because I just broke up with the one person I wanted to go with. I wouldn't want to give him any misleading ideas, and I already have enough emotion tied to JT's music without adding those crazy feelings to it. Carole King is in concert with him, though, and I know that it's going to be an amazing concert. Boo hiss. Relationships (or the lack thereof) ruin everything.

And speaking of relationships...

As I mentioned above, I just broke up with my boyfriend at the beginning of this week. My first ever real boyfriend, to be exact. The relationship lasted two months, and honestly, that's just sad. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it yet. I just want to be over it. I never seem to want to give myself a lot of time to deal with things. I'd rather just be done with them as soon as they happen. Maybe it's just easier that way. I don't know. Actually, that statement is the crux of what was wrong with the relationship. He didn't know how he felt about me, he didn't know what or who he was attracted to, and I didn't know if I did or ever would love him. We didn't know. My reasons for breaking up with him were entirely legitimate, and I wish I could just tell everyone exactly what they were. But for his sake, I won't. I really thought that he was going to be the big deal in my life, but I guess that I was wrong.

This relationship could serve to reinforce every bit of my cynicism that I've been able to conjure up over my twenty years. But I don't think that I'm going to let it do that. I still believe that if it's the Lord's will for my life, then I'll find love. It's just the whole "being patient" thing that gets hard. After all, I'm only 20 years old, and I've got a lot to look forward to. So I suppose that I'll just have to keep my head up, my eyes open, and my heart from hardening. We'll see how that goes. :)