So Glide Away on Soapy Heels...

Sitting here listening to James Taylor again... there seems to be a pattern in my life. :) Today was alright. Woke up at 2:00 PM after not being able to sleep last night because of the wind and rain. And, once again, I didn't go to church. My lack of church attendance over the past year seems to be a continual source of guilt for me. I don't know. It just is. But hopefully, I'll be able to start going back to AO this semester. I really hope that I can, because I've really missed it. It will be awkward for a while, but I think that it will be worth it.

I lounged around for a while after I woke up and watched TV. But I started thinking about the breakup again, so I decided that I should find something productive and distracting to do with my time. I decided to go to the gym, and I'm glad that I did. I think I'm finally going to be able to get back into the swing of things this semester. I've just had a hard time adjusting so far. It's like I've lost all motivation for some reason. I think that part of it is my sudden lack of a relationship, as well as the fact that I just don't get excited about spring classes like I do when fall classes roll around. Normally, I would be running around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to do all of my homework and get ridiculously ahead in everything. But for whatever reason, I just don't care as much. But, going to the gym always cheers me up and helps me to focus.

After the gym, I had dinner with my little brother at Panera, which is always good. He's great, and I wish that we could spend more time together. But I just get so busy during the semesters and he's pretty busy, too (which is funny considering that he's 9 years old). After that, I came home to do some organic homework, and ended up simultaneously watching The Notebook. Not a good idea a week after a breakup. I used to watch that movie and sigh at the romanticism and anticipate the day when I would find a love of my own. But for now, it just kind of makes me angry and sad. I find it so hard to believe that things are going to get any better or that I'll ever find love. Sometimes I get tired of having faith.

But I have to keep believing that things will get better. I have to hold on despite what I feel. My heart is deceptive, and I know that. I'm just easily swayed sometimes.