Motorcycles and Lawnmowers.

So. I find it funny that God seems to speak to me at rather random times. I tend to see Him more in the mundane things of life rather than in miraculous circumstances.

Yesterday, as I was riding to town with my teammates to get Matt's guitar fixed, I was feeling rather down about the myriad ways that I've fallen short as of late. I felt like I was drifting farther from God because I was not constantly going, going, going, frantically trying to "work" for Him. I felt lazy and useless. And then it hit me. He loves me anyway. For the first time in a long time, it was as though He was allowing me to understand that His love truly doesn't depend on how "good" I am. It's something that you hear all the time growing up in the church, and yet it didn't seem to really make sense until yesterday. This realization brought about such a wave of relief and hope, as I realized that God is not looking at me with disappointment, and He doesn't withhold His love from me when I fail Him.

I have spent a lot of time trying to do things well and be perfect so that I can feel like a "good Christian", when truly, this sort of behavior is woefully un-Christian. But thanks be to God for His unconditional mercy and love.

It's good to know that God is not as intolerant of me as I have been of other people. This was another realization that I came to this evening. As we sent our houseparents for the week off, I found myself being very hard on them in my mind, judging their every word and balking at their seeming hypocrisy...and then, again, it hit me. I am just as much of a hypocrite. I am way too hard on people, and as a result, I am way too hard on myself. It's good to have standards, but sheesh...no one can live up to standards of perfection.

I have had a lot of time on this trip to sit and be quiet in His presence, and I have enjoyed it so much. It's amazing how well you can hear Him when you stop and listen. Last night, the group hiked at the Rainbow Falls trailhead, came to the creek, and saw the most spectacular display of synchronized fireflies ever. Apparently, this phenomenon only happens once a year, for about 15 days in Gatlinburg, TN and some city in Malaysia...so, pretty exciting stuff. As we sat there in the silence and darkness, I was overwhelmed by how big, how creative, and how loving Christ really is. I wish I could explain it to you, but it's something that you'll just have to see for yourself someday.

Today, we (Matt, Chelsi, and I) led worship again in our two campgrounds, and it was such a joy. Let me tell you, there is just no feeling like singing to Jesus. Wouldn't trade it for the world.

Tomorrow begins another fun-filled week, with new houseparents, new challenges, and new adventures. I cannot wait. :)