Sing to me of the plans that You have for me over again.
...I give You my apathy, I'm giving You all of me;
I want Your symphony singing in all that I am.
At the top of my lungs, I'm giving it back."
Lyrics from a totally cheesy song can speak to you sometimes (see above). Sometimes, God allows you to see how far you've come. Other times, He allows you to fall on Your face so that You can remember just how much you need Him. Tonight has been one of those nights. I am sitting here at the moment, frustrated as hell, a little worried, and altogether melancholy (I hate that word, but I can't find another at the moment...).
It turns out that this whole communal living thing isn't as easy as I thought it was going to be. I still love everyone in this house. But my patience is wearing quite thin. I have to have somewhere to be honest about it, and I figure that it's a good thing for me to be honest within this forum.
Tonight, I nearly lost my cool completely, due to a lot of different factors. I think a lot of it has to do with the natural tension that arises when people live together, but seriously, I feel like I just need to punch something repeatedly.
I cannot, for the life of me, understand why some people seem to believe that it's ok to maintain crappy attitudes, passive aggressive ways of coping, etc. I have a few pet peeves in this life, and one of them is people who have a problem with me, but rather than confronting me, talk about it to someone else.
Ok. Now that I've exposed the impatient, mean side of myself, let's talk about some things that I'm learning.
It seems as though the Lord is trying to speak to me about prayer lately. The past week of my devotional has been about prayer, Joey gave us a booklet on prayer to read last night, and it's something I've been thinking about a lot lately. It's not something that I've given a lot of attention to in my life, because for the longest, I was convinced that if everything is predestined, then God is not going to change His mind, and therefore, I don't really need to pray about anything. Quite silly, when I consider how much emphasis is placed on prayer in the Word...So, I am excited to see what the Lord is going to teach me about it in the near future.
In other news, I really miss church (Belle Aire and Arabic). It's pretty hard when you're constantly leading, rather than attending. It's hard to feed myself rather than being fed. To be honest, I like it better the other way around. But, I know that God will use this to shape me...it just stinks while I'm in the midst of the shaping process.
A few financial worries are also causing me a bunch of stress, which stinks. I hate for money to stress me out, but it does. I trust that God will provide. But sheesh..it's hard to wait.
I find out my MCAT score a week from tomorrow, and that's a bit of nailbiter...literally. I just want to get this whole application/score-finding-out process over with.
I also find myself very much distracted by certain people. I want very much to not be so distracted, but it's not seeming to happen. Sometimes the distractions are good, sometimes they are a hindrance. I don't know why they're there, and if they'll stop being distractions, but I do know that God doesn't just throw people into your life for no reason. So, I'll just take it as it comes and give it right back to Him.
SO, in conclusion, God is good, all the time. Thankfully, He isn't letting me off easy. :) I am very thankful that He has given me rest, the Allman Brothers, hummus, long barefoot walks in the rain, and laughter to get me through all of this.
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